Mother asks her 20-something-year-old son, who is still living at home after graduating, to help with cooking the family meals: 'He is not in school or working, he has a lot of free time'

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Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
May 19, 2025 12:00 PM EDT

It's important to help around the house, no matter what your home may be. Living with roommates? You gotta help keep the place clean. Living with your spouse? Well, they're not going to be very happy with you if you don't pull your weight. 

Similarly, as you're growing up, you'll be expected to contribute more and more around the house. Sure, it's not like you're going to be expected to push the lawnmower around at five years old, but when you get a little older, Dad's probably going to ask you to hold the flashlight for him in the garage, you're probably going to be asked to do dishes and help clean up after dinner. By the time you're in your teens, you're going to be pushing the mower around and probably get some other responsibilities to go with it. By the time we're in our late teens, it's definitely time to start figuring things out. By our early twenties, we really need to be learning the self-sufficiency that is going to guide us through adulthood. 

There's nothing wrong with living at home after graduating. Heck, it's almost an absolute necessity for a lot of people in 2025. But when your parents ask you to pick up the slack and help out, you'd better be ready to do so.

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  • 01

    "AITA for requiring my son to cook as part of carrying his weight in the house?"

    I am a single mom of two teens. My son, Jake (fake name), graduated from high school last year. This post is about a running issue that we're having. He approved this post. My background: I'm in a professional career in which I average around 50 hrs/wk. In my area, my salary makes us middle class.
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  • 02
    Cha
    via unsplash.com

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 03
    His background. Jake is a great son and brother, and I honestly couldn't ask for better - even with the ongoing issue we've been having. He's trustworthy, very respectful, and a good communicator, and he always steps up when asked. All in all, I say (and he agrees), that we have a great relationship and our family functions well as a unit. Jake's father is unable to provide guidance on life issues.
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  • 04
    Since he graduated, Jake has had some trouble finding his way. He enrolled at the local college, but he was uninterested in the courses and overwhelmed at the sudden responsibility of dictating his own life path. We agreed that he could drop his course load with the understanding that he could always restart at a later date. Jake had a PT job that he quit around the same time. I understood the reasons behind it and had no issue with this decision either.
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  • 05
    Because Jake is not in school or working, he has a lot of free time. My view: While I have been strongly encouraging Jake to get a job or figure out a trade to get into, I have not yet made this a requirement of living at home. Although he's an adult, he's a young one, and I've been giving him time to sort things out. It's only been a few months of him being in this position. However, I
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  • 06
    feel that a person who is not working or in school bears extra responsibility at home as they are the ones who have the most time. I have required that along with keeping up with his own chores (laundry, bedroom, trash, etc), Jake should perform additional duties on a daily basis to keep the house running smoothly (cleaning
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  • 07
    floors more regularly, dusting, etc). Recently, I upped this requirement to include cooking dinner every night. The meals are not required to be fancy. These can be quick meals (think burgers and fries, spaghetti, chicken and rice, etc), can be cooked earlier in the day so that it frees his evenings, and can also be made in bulk for leftovers.
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  • 08
    His view: The cleaning is fine but having to cook feels like a punishment because he HATES cooking. While he's not working or in school, he does have multiple issues that he's juggling and is under a lot of stress in his life for varying reasons. He's not just lying around the house all day. He devotes a lot of time to his hobbies (with my support) which benefit his physical and mental
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  • 09
    well-being. Also, anything extra | ask of him, he does without complaint. He feels that I'm being unreasonable in my request, my views are outdated (because I was born before 2000 dropshead), I never compromise, and I can only have things my way. AITA for requiring Jake to cook as part of carrying his weight in the household?
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  • 10
    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a hole: I might be the AH because I'm requiring my son to cook dinner every night for the family and he hates cooking.
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  • 11
    Cha
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 12
    StAlvis NTA We agreed that he could drop his course load with the understanding that he could always restart at a later date. Why not reduce rather than just quitting though?
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  • 13
    These can be quick meals (think burgers and fries, spaghetti, chicken and rice, etc), can be cooked earlier in the day so that it frees his evenings, and can also be made in bulk for leftovers. NGL that doesn't sound great, though. Mmm, reheated burgers and fries?
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  • 14
    His view: The cleaning is fine but having to cook feels like a punishment because he HATES cooking. My dude, you are an adult now. Who cares what you like doing? You do what you gotta. You're going to have to feed yourself for the rest of your life. Get liking it.
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  • 15
    3xlduck INFO: Who is cooking now? How about just start with 1-2 days a week of cooking. So much recipes online and on youtube. Maybe going 7 days. expectation is too much all of a sudden. Can you cook together? TBH: cooking is a most useful life skill. how is he gonna eat when he moves out on his own eventually? also, girls find it hot if their guy can cook, is that motivation?
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  • 16
    SophisticatedScrea... My concern is that he's quit both school and work immediately after starting it, and is devoting all his time to hobbies. I also think Jake is being a bit precious about "not knowing what he wants to do." You don't have to figure out everything right away, but you should be doing something productive with yourself. Building your transferable skills and texturing out your understanding of the world of work.
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  • 17
    Anyway. I think you are NTA. Although I do think 7 days a week is too many. You or a sibling should take one weekend evening, and you could do takeout or leftovers one evening. So he could cook like Monday and Tuesday, then Wednesday is smorgasbord. He cooks Thursday, Friday, you cook Sat, and a sibling cooks on Sun. So four days is really doable.
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  • 18
    MaterialMonitor6423 NTA. He hates cooking? Does he enjoy eating? He's an adult who isn't interested in college, isn't working, and appears to be very comfortable living off you forever. If he doesn't carry his weight, he needs to move out.
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  • 19
    throwaway456999... NTA. He has to look at it this way: he's not a kid anymore, and has to contribute as an adult. Part of being an adult is doing things you dislike. Do you think the majority of people like their jobs? No. This is life, and he has to realize that life doesn't always equal the stuff you enjoy.
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  • 20
    CSurvivor9 NTA. If Jake lived on his own, he would need to cook for himself. So his excuse of it being a punishment isn't valid. It's a necessity of life. Maybe take a cooking class.
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